I am fond of children except boys.
- Lewis Carroll
Until I was thirteen I thought my name was ‘Shut up’.
- Joe Namath
The trouble with children is that they’re not returnable.
- Quentin Crisp
Parents like the idea of kids, they just don’t like their kids.
- Morley Safer
Never underestimate a child’s ability to get into more trouble.
- Martin Mull
Smack your child every day. If you don’t know why he does.
- Joey Adams
Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.
- Samuel Butler
No wonder people are so horrible when they start life as children.
- Kingsley Amis
I have just returned from a children’s party. I’m one of the survivors.
- Percy French
Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off.
- Ralph Bus
Providence protects children and idiots. I know because I have tested it.
- Mark Twain
I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
- Robert Orben
Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.
- Bill Cosby
The easiest way to teach children the value of money is to borrow some from them.
- Anonymous
Childhood is that wonderful time of life when all you need to do to lose weight is take a bath.
- Richard Zera
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
- Phyllis Diller
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
- Bernard Manning
There are only two things a child will share willingly; communicable diseases and its mother’s age.
- Benjamin Spock
Email This Page To Your Friend