Love is friendship set on fire.
- Jeremy Taylor
Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.
- Mark Twain
You’re only has good as your last haircut.
- Fran Lebowitz
For your information, I would like to ask a question.
- Samuel Goldwyn
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
- Mitch Hedberg
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
- Mark Twain
I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.
- Thomas Alva Edison
He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
- Henry A. Kissinger
If everything seems under control, you’re just not going fast enough.
- Mario Andretti
I don’t think anyone should write their autobiography until after they’re dead.
- Samuel Goldwyn
Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
- Hedy Lamarr
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks
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