The damned thing works!
- Philo Farnsworth
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
- Fred Allen
Television has raised writing to a new low.
- Samuel Goldwyn
Entertainment is a thing of the past, today we’ve got television.
- Archie Bunker
I cannot sing, dance or act – what else would I be but a talk show host.
- David Letterman
You can learn more by watching ‘Let’s Make a Deal’ than you can by watching Walter Cronkite for a month.
- Monty Hall
In Beverly Hills…they don’t throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
- Woody Allen
I’m playing a cat burglar. I’ve made it. This is the high point of my career. I’m really chuffed.
- Sam Neill
If brains were lard, Jethro couldn’t grease a pan.
- Buddy Ebsen
Television has brought back murder into the home – where it belongs.
- Alfred Hitchcock
Television has done much for psychiatry by spreading information about it, as well as contributing to the need for it.
- Alfred Hitchcock
Television is like the American toaster, you push the button and the same thing pops up every time.
- Alfred Hitchcock
I got sick of turning on the TV and seeing my face.
- Michael J. Fox
Television is democracy at its ugliest.
- Paddy Chayefsky
Television has made dictatorship impossible, but democracy unbearable.
- Shimon Peres
Color television! Bah, I won’t believe it until I see it in black and white.
- Samuel Goldwyn
Can you imagine Simon as a kid? His imaginary friends probably never wanted to play with him.
- Paula Abdul
My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too.
- Peter De Vries
Television is to news what bumper stickers are to philosophy.
- Richard Nixon
If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners.
- Johnny Carson
Imagine what it would be like if TV actually were good. It would be the end of everything we know.
- Marvin Minsky
We don’t want the television script good. We want it Tuesday.
- Dennis Norden
I won’t eat anything that has intelligent life, but I’d gladly eat a network executive or a politician.
- Marty Feldman
If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight.
- George Gobal
Television has brought back murder into the home — where it belongs.
- Alfred Hitchcock
Television is a medium. So called because it’s neither rare nor well done.
- Ernie Kovacs
Anyone can *read* the news *to* you. What I plan to do is *feel* the news *at* you.
- Stephen Colbert
I feel like I’ve been incarcerated in a blueberry.
- Nigel St. Nigel
Butters, remind me to cut your balls off later.
- Cartman
In my house I’m the boss. My wife is just the decision maker.
- Woody Allen
In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
- Oscar Wilde
Income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.
- Will Rogers
Intellectuals are like the mafia; they only kill their own.
- Woody Allen
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