How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
How do men define a “50/50″ relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder “Instruction Manuals.”
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They’re hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don’t work.
How does a man show he’s planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
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