Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?

Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on “Start”?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff??

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Question: Why did the chicken cross the road?

LAPD Answer: We don’t know, but give us five minutes with the chicken and we’ll find out.

Q. Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner?
A. In the pages of a romance novel.

Q. Why cant men get mad cow disease?
A. Because theyre all pigs.

Q. Why do men like love at first site?
A. It saves them a lot of time.

What is the difference between a marriage and a war?

A marriage is a war in which the enemies can sleep together!

Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A: Take your foot off his head.

Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A: No? Good!

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of pond scum?
A: The bucket.

Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in “that’s a shame”)?
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.

Q: What is the definition of a “crying shame”?
A: There was an empty seat.

Q. Where can you find a good lawyer?
A. In the cemetary.

Q: Why did the farmer receive an award?

A: Because he was outstanding in his field (out standing in his field)

Question: Why did the cockerel play in the rush-hour traffic?
A. To show he wasn’t chicken.

Question: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Because it’s too far to go round.

Question: Which side of a chicken has the most feathers?
Answer: The outside.

Question: What do you call a chicken wearing a shell-suit?
Answer: An egg.

Question: What is the difference between Windows 95 and Windows 98?
Answer: 3 years

What were Michael Jackson’s baby’s first words?

Which one’s Mommy?

What do you call a doll on fire?

A Barbie-Q!