A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile… somewhere, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve Reached Safely
Date: 21 st July, 2004

I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and we are allowed to send e-mails to our loved ones. I’ve just reached safely and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was …

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: “Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some flowers
in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?”

The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: “Dear Wife, whatever you do,do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money.”

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:“Dear Husband, You wouldn’t believe what
happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the entire back garden.”

The prisoner wrote another letter back: “Dear wife,now is the best time to plant the flower.”

A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.
“Come with me”, said St. Peter to the taxi driver.

The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St.Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.

“Wow, thank you”, said the taxi driver.

Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.

“Wait, I think you are a little mixed up”, said the priest.
“Shouldn’t I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day,and preached God’s word.”

“Yes, that’s true. But during your sermons people slept.

When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed!”

Once a Blonde goes to a mirror shop to buy a mirror. He wanders all over the shop before the shopkeeper
comes and asks him,”May I help you?”.
Blonde: “I want a very strong mirror”.

Shop keeper: “Try this one sir!Its just 100$/-”

Blonde: “Is it really that strong?”

Shop keeper: “Yes sir. If u want to know, you can throw this mirror from 100 storeyed building. This
mirror does not breaks upto 99 floors sir!!”

Sardar: “Its great!!!”
He pays the shop keeper and leaves with that mirror!!

A guy rushes into a bar, orders four expensive 30-year-old single malts and has the bartender line them up in front of him.
Then without pausing, he quickly downs each one. “Whew”, the bartender remarked, “you seem to be
in a hurry.”
“You would be too if you had what I have.”

“What do you have?” the bartender sympathetically
asked.
“Fifty cents.”

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.

The bartender says, “Look, buddy, I’ll bring ya’ martinis all night long but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill.”
The customer replies, “I’m peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it’s time to go home.”

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the toilet.
He doesn’t want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, “I have sipt in this beer, do
not drink!”.
After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, “So did I!”

One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ”How much is the yellow one?”

The assistant says, ”$2000.” The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it’s so expensive. The assistant explains, ”This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.”

”What about the green one?” the man asks.

The assistant says, ”He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.”

”What about the red one?” the man asks.

The assistant says, ”That one’s $10,000.”

The man says, ”What does HE do?”

The assistant says, ”I don’t know, but the other two call him boss.”

One day a teacher told her students to draw a train on a railway track for homework. The next day when the teacher started checking everybody’s book, she came up to Little Johnny. “Show me the homework,” she demanded. Little Johnny showed the teacher his notebook with only a picture of railroad tracks. The teacher asked, “Where is the train?” Little Johnny then replied, “You came late so the train went away.”

Roger, the local police/school liaison officer was in Green Barn Primary School, Sherborne, Dorset, UK, on an official visit when Mary, age 6, approached him.

‘Are you a policeman?’ Mary asked.
‘Yes,’ answered Roger smiling.

‘My mum said if I was ever in trouble then I ought to ask a policeman for help. Is that true?’
‘Of course,’ uttered Roger.

‘Then will you please tie my shoelace?’ said Mary.