A man was in desperate need of a heart transplant, but there was no matching heart available. His doctor, however, suggested an experimental heart transplant from a sheep. The man was taken aback by the suggestion, but he finally agreed, and the doctor performed the transplant. All initially went well, and the man went in for a follow-up examination after a few weeks.

The doctor asked the heart transplant recipient, “How are you feeling?”

The man replied, “Not baaaaaad.”

One afternoon, a man went to his doctor and told him that he hasn’t been feeling well lately. The doctor examined the man, left the room, and came back with three different bottles of pills.

The doctor said, “Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you wake up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after you eat lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water.”

Startled to be put on so much medicine, the man stammered, “My goodness, Doctor, exactly what is my problem?”

The doctor replied, “You’re not drinking enough water.”

The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.

“Well, to tell the truth, Doctor, yes,” answered the patient.

“You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. No, it’s actually worse than that. I’m never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I’m going, or what it is I’m going to do once I get there—if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?”

The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tones, “Pay me in advance.

A man went to his doctor with an unusual problem. “Doctor,” the man began, “I have a strange problem that I’m hoping that you can help me with. Whenever I drink coffe, I experience a sharp, excruciating pain.”

The doctor replied, “Try to remember to remove the spoon from the cup before you drink.” A man went to his doctor with an unusual problem. “Doctor,” the man began, “I have a strange problem that I’m hoping that you can help me with. Whenever I drink coffe, I experience a sharp, excruciating pain.”

The doctor replied, “Try to remember to remove the spoon from the cup before you drink.”

Despite the ambulance going as fast as it could, it wasn’t quite fast enough, and the woman gave birth to her baby on the lawn in front of the hospital. The baby’s mother and father were incredibly happy that the baby was healthy, but were very upset when they saw the bill from the hospital – they were still being billed thousands for the delivery room, which they never had a chance to use! Understandably, the parents objected, so the doctor changed the bill—the fee remained the same, but the description was changed to ‘green fees.’

A woman loses both ears in an accident. A plastic surgeon she consults tells her that ear transplants are still in the testing stage, but he will do what he can. The woman undergoes the operation, and after a time she returns to the surgeon’s office to have the bandages removed and the stitches taken out. After examining her, the doctor tells her everything seems to have gone well, and she seems pleased with his work.

The next day, however, she calls the plastic surgeon in a rage. “You know what you did?” she screams. “You gave me a man’s ears.”

“Well,” says the surgeon, “an ear is an ear. What is wrong? Can’t you hear?”

“I hear everything,” she says. “The problem is I do not understand anything I am told.”

An old man seated in the doctor’s waiting room, when called in to see the doctor, slowly got up, and, grasping his cane and hunching over, slowly made his way into the examining room.

After only a few minutes, the man emerged from the room, walking completely upright! A patient who had watched him hobble into the room all hunched over, stared in amazement.

“That must be a miracle doctor in there!” he exclaimed. “What treatment did he give you? What’s his secret?”

The old man looked at him and said, “Well, the doctor looked me up and down, analyzed the situation, and gave me a cane that was four inches longer than the one I had been using.”

id you hear about the two little kids in a hospital who were lying next to each other? The first kid leans over and asked, “What are you in here for?”

The second kid said,” I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.”

The first kid said,” You’ve got nothing to worry about, I had that done to me once. They put you to sleep and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It’s a piece of cake!”

The second kid then asked, “What are you in here for?”

The first kid responded, “Well, I’m here for a circumcision.”

The second kid said, “Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn’t walk for a year!”

A young doctor was just setting up his first office when his secretary told him there was a man to see him. The doctor wanted to make a good first impression by having the man think he was successful and very busy. He told his secretary to show the man in.

At that moment, the doctor picked up the telephone and pretended to be having a conversation with a patient. The man waited until the “conversation” was over. Then, the doctor put the telephone down and asked, “Can I help you?”

To which the man replied, “No, I’m just here to connect your telephone.”

A doctor had been attending a rich old man, but it became apparent the old guy had not long to live. So he asked if his affairs were in order. The old gentleman replies,”Oh, yes. And do you know what I’m going to do with all my money? I’m going to leave it to the doctor who saves my life.”