Heather: I noticed by this article that men become bald much more than women because of the intense activity of their brains.

John: Yes, and I notice that women do not grow beards because of the intense activity of their chins!

“Cash, check or charge?” the cashier asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As the woman fumbled for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

“Do you always carry your TV remote?” the cashier asked.

“No,” she replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him.”

A man and his girlfriend were out to dinner one night. The waiter tells them the night’s special is chicken almondine and fresh fish.
“The chicken sounds good; I’ll have that,” the woman says.

The waiter nods. “And the vegetable?” he asks.

“Oh, he’ll have the fish,” she replies.

A family went to a hospital, where one of their relatives would be having a brain transplant. One of the relatives asked, “What will the cost of a new brain be?” The doctor replied, “A female brain costs $25,000 and a male brain costs $50,000.” The men smirked, but one of the females asked, “Why is that, doctor?” “Well,” the doctor replied,” the female brain is less because it has been used.”

A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman.

She takes one look at him. “You, sir, are drunk!”

“And you ma’am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!”

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”

The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied,
“My wife’s first husband.”

It’s all in the punctuation:
An English professor wrote the words, “Woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”
The women wrote: “Woman: Without her, man is nothing.”

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for.Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake.The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was thebest laugh he’d ever had.

After the annual office Christmas party blow-out, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. “Louise,” he moaned, “Tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?”"Even worse,” she assured him in her most scornful tone. “You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the chairman of the company to his face.” “He’s an arrogant, self-important prick, piss on him!” “You did. All over his suit,” Louise informed him. “And he fired you.” “Well, screw him,” said John. “I did, said Louise, “You’re back at work on Monday.”

A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.
He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down £500 and says: “I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!”
The Madam is astonished. “But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal.”

The trucker replies: “Listen darlin’, I’m not horny – I’m homesick.”