You might be a redneck if……….

1. The best day of your life was when you found an unopened bottle of Jack Daniels “over yonder in them hills.”

2. You surf the net primarily for tater gun building instructions.

3. You don’t know what a redneck is.

4. You recite lines from “The Dukes of Hazzard”.

5. You see a sign that says “bridge out” and you try to jump it.

6. Your kids LIKE the Arch Deluxe hamburger at McDonalds.

7. You think the tobacco companies have done nothing wrong.

8. You’ve ever wrestled your mama for the last can of beer.

9. You can hit a bullseye from up to 50 yards away, but still have trouble with your ABC’s.

10. You consider pickled deer organs a delicacy.

You might be a redneck if……….

1. Any of your children learned to make very realistic animal noises before they learned to talk.

2. You own more than two clappers.

3. Your mustache is longer than your wife’s hair.

4. You think your IQ is the number of coons you shot out of season.

5. You thought ER was ET’s cousin.

6. You got married in the family car, in a drive-thru chapel.

7. Warp drive describes the condition of your car.

8. You *have* a claw foot bathtub.

9. You have ever had to get up quickly in the morning in order to let the goat out before she dropped raisins on the kitchen floor.

10. When you put your hunting boots on you only get them on the right feet 50% of the time.

You might be a redneck if……….

1. You go to the dentist for a “Tooth Cleaning”.

2. You spell out NASCAR in Christmas lights.

3. You have to stop a leak in your flat bottom boat with gum and chewing tobacco.

4. You go to Wal-Mart to people watch.

5. Cruise control in your truck involves fishing line, a pulley and a hook.

6. You ever wonder what happened to that nice John F. Kennedy boy.

7. You think a strip joint is where they disassemble cars.

8. You search your computer monitor for the dial that changes channels.

9. Your smoke detector doubles as your dinner bell.

10. You’ve ever been arrested for bootleggin’.

You might be a redneck if……….

1. The oak tree in the front yard is an essential piece of automotive repair equipment (how else are you gonna pull the engine out of the old Dodge?)

2. Your car is made out of 17 others and each part is a different color.

3. You think the only tools “real men” need are duck tape and caulk, and you have sucessful repair projects to prove it.

4. Coons get into everyone else’s trash but yours.

5. You have to pay your hair care professional in weekly installments of $3.00.

6. You recycle enough Copenhagen lids to buy Christmas presents.

7. Your gear shift lever is a pair of vise grips.

8. The fuel for your main mode of transportation is oats.

9. You are in 6 grade and the only one in your family that can write your name.

10. Your idea of a fancy dessert is “moon pie ala mode”.

You might be a redneck if……….

1. You roll your pickup truck and laugh about it.

2. City code enforcement officers use your property as a proving ground for new recruits.

3. Your idea of new siding on the house is more tar paper.

4. You refer to your dog as the dishwasher.

5. You and your wife celebrate your anniversary at the K-mart cafeteria.

6. Your boyfriend gives you car parts for your birthday, and you like it.

7. You have ever worried more about the outbuildings freezing than your vehicles.

8. Your wife picks thru your garbage cans looking for any bait that may have grown in them since the last time you went.

9. You think the blood on the front of your pickup truck looks cool.

10. You think Tang is in the fruit group.

You might be a redneck if……….

1. The neighborhood dogs are afraid to come around your house because the fowl are big enough to hurt them.

2. You live close enough to town to get garbage service, but don’t use it because they won’t come down your driveway to get it.

3. Your lawn mower has more horsepower than your wife’s car, but no blade.

4. Your most productive fishing lure is a Dupont drifter and a dip net.

5. You buy the lot next to your house because you need the room for all your “stuff” (cars, trucks building materials).

6. You’ve ever been stuck in your own driveway.

7. You just bought your family their lst Atari game system.

8. You pull up to a gas station in a limo to buy a can of Skoal.

9. You have ever had to climb up on the roof of an out building to get down any fowl that was frozen to the roof.

10. The fellows on the big garbage moving equipment recoginze your wife…. and wave to her.

You might be a redneck if…………..

1. The hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.

2. Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.

3. There are more dishes in your sink than in your cabinets.

4. Your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.

5. You don’t think Jeff’s jokes are funny.

6. You have to duct tape your gloves on.

7. You’ve ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.

8. You watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.

9. Someone says they spotted Bigfoot and you go buy tickets to the tractor pull.

10. Your girlfriend has ever called YOUR parents “Ma and Pa”.

You might be a redneck if…………..

1. Taking a dip has nothing to do with water.

2. The receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.

3. You list your parole officer as a reference.

4. You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.

5. You think you are an entrepreneur because of the “Dirt for Sale” sign in the front yard.

6. You think that Marlboro is a cologne.

7. You take a fishing pole to Sea World.

8. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

9. Motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.

10. Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.

You might be a redneck if…………..

1. You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

2. In tough situations you ask yourself, “What would Curly do?”

3. Your wife’s best shoes have steel toes.

4. Your secret family recipe is illegal.

5. Your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.

6. Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

7. You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.

8. You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are “Play Ball…”

9. Your baby’s favorite teething ring is the garden hose in the yard.

10. In tough situations you ask yourself, “What would Curly do?”

You might be a redneck if…………..

1. You’re a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.

2. You’ve ever held somebody up with a caulk gun.

3. A full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.

4. Your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

5. Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

6. Your dad is also your favorite uncle.

7. Your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

8. There is more oil in your cap than in your car.

9. You think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.

10. Your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.