You might be a redneck if…………..

1. Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

2. You dated your daddy’s current wife in high school.

3. Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

4. You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

5. Your parakeet knows the phrase “Open up, Police!”

6. Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than grandpa.

7. You watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.

8. You think cur is a breed of dog.

9. Your insurance man is a redneck too if he pays you for it.

10. On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

You might be a redneck if…………..

1. You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

2. Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.

3. The one what hangs ’round over yonder, back’ah Bubba’s barn…”

4. Your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire…on her house

5. Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

6. You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

7. Your `huntin dawg’ cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

8. It’s easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.

9. You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.

10. You grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.

You might be a redneck if…………..

1. Your screen door has no screen.

2. Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

3. You’ve ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister’s honor.

4. You’ve been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.

5. The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection

6. Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

7. Your biggest ambition in live is to “git that big ole coon.

8. You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.

9. Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job–primer red and primer gray.

10. You fish in your above-ground pool. . . and catch something.

You might be a redneck if…………..

1. Your dad says, “Let’s hit the road for dinner,” and then grabs a shovel.

2. After the divorce you still call your Ex “Cuz”.

3. You’ve ever entered yourself in a “Howdy Doody Look-alike” Contest.

4. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, “Hey, y’all watch this.”

5. You have to go outside to get something out of the ‘fridge.

6. You think Hamlet is on the McDonald’s breakfast menu.

7. You have a bowling machine in your kitchen.

8. You got your tater gun hangin’ over your couch in your living room as a conversation piece.

9. You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

You might be a redneck if…………..

1. You keep your teeth and your goldfish in the same glass.

2. On average, one out of every thirty words you use can be found in a dictionary.

3. You’re in bed with your wife and you call out a name you gave to a coon you killed.

4. You’ve ever been arrested for where you got your girlfriend roses.

5. Your neighbor spits grass when he talks.

6. You wake up with chocolate in your ears after spending the night in a fine hotel.

7. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

8. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

9. You go to your family reunion looking for a date.

10. Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

You might be a redneck if…………..

1. You ever called your sister “Mom” and didn’t have to correct yourself.

2. The Roto-Rooter man calls for backup when visiting your house.

3. Your lips move while reading a stop sign.

4. You’ve got more than one brother named ‘Darryl.’

5. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

6. You’ve ever been arrested for a DUI on a riding lawn mower.

7. The directions to your bathroom include, “Go past the big oak and hang a left at the woodshed.”

8. A policeman asks for your ID, and you answer, “About what?”

9. One of the options on your truck is a spitoon.

10. You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

You might be a redneck if…………..

1. You’ve got more guns “On Display” than Wal-Mart Sporting Goods.

2. You have ever written a check for less than a dollar.

3. You think that Roe v. Wade is a decision you make when crossing the creek.

4. It takes you and 31 others in the same room to show off a full set of teeth.

5. You have to call the police more than once a week to remove your drunk mother-in-law from your front lawn.

6. Your name is Billy Joe Jim Bob III.

7. You can’t go to church this year because your Sunday socks are being used as the truck’s gas cap.

8. You think the vowels are E..I..E..I..O.

9. You think “Meals on Wheels” is another name for roadkill.

10. You shot your own 12 point coat rack.

You might be a redneck if…………..

1. You ask your 10-year old son how to spell a word.

2. You don’t understand why Bo and Luke never tried to get it on with Daisy.

3. You’ve ever used scissors on food.

4. You have the policeman hold your beer while you get your license.

5. Any of your neighbors has ever spent Halloween night at the bottom of a hole because you moved their outhouse back about four feet.

6. You’ve ever lost a dog to a bush hog.

7. You gave your young son a super-soaker water gun and an NRA application for his birthday.

8. You’ve ever re-used a paper plate.

9. Your son has ever stolen disected frogs from Biology class so that your family won’t go hungry.

10. Your dog is your alarm clock.

You might be a redneck if…………..

1. You have guns in your house that you cannot find.

2. Your wife gets a hunting license so you can tag your second buck.

3. You prefer the Sears catalog to Charmin.

4. Smith and Wesson attended your wedding without an invitation and there was nothing you could do about it.

5. You smoke during your deer hunt after scent-proofing yourself all month.

6. A tornado goes through your trailer’s yard and makes it look neater.

7. When you hear someone talking about the king you don’t know whether they’re talking about Elvis or Richard Petty.

8. Your blood alcohol content has ever exceeded your I.Q.

9. You have all the “Dukes of Hazzard” episodes on tape.

10. You think a night of fine dining is going to the Snack Bar at Wal-Mart while the automotive department is raising your truck another 8 inches.

You might be a Redneck if……………..

1. People hear your car long before they see it.

2. The highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.

3. You list your parole officer as a reference.

4. Your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.

5. You have to hit the dashboard in your truck to get the lights and radio to work.

6. The duct tape on your car seat sticks to your butt when you get out.

7. You think “dual airbags” refers to your wife and mother-in-law.

8. Your wife has ever torn her hose on the boogers stuck under the front of the pickup seat.

9. Your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.

10. You think mud rasslin’ should be an Olympic sport.