You might be a Redneck if…………….

1. Your school dress code contains the line “Shoes Optional”.

2. You have more than 500 rounds of ammunition in your house….not including 22 caliber.

3. Every pair of jeans you own has a tobacco can ring worn in one of the rear pockets.

4. You’ve ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table.

5. You think a turtleneck is a key ingredient in soup.

6. You’ve ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.

7. Your birth announcement included the word “rug rat”.

8. Your baby’s favorite teething ring is the garden hose in the front yard.

9. Your four-year-old is a member of the NRA.

10. Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

You might be a Redneck if…………….

1. Your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.

2. Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.

3. You take a fishing pole to Sea World.

4. Motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.

5. You don’t think Jeff’s Foxworthy’s jokes are funny.

6. You’ve ever worn hunter’s orange to church.

7. Your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.

8. There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.

9. There are more fish on your wall than pictures.

10. You’re still scalping tickets after the concert is over.

You might be a Redneck if…………

1. You can spit without opening your mouth.

2. You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.

3. When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.

4. Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

5. You’ve ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister’s honor.

6. You fish in your above-ground pool. . . and catch something.

7. You’ve ever hit a deer with your car…deliberately.

8. You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.

9. Your masseuse uses lard.

10. You think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother’s tooth.

You might be a Redneck if…………

1. You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.

2. You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.

3. You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.

4. Your `huntin dawg’ cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

5. It’s easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.

6. Your kid takes a siphon hose to show-and-tell.

7. The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection (your insurance man is a redneck too if he pays you for it).

8. On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

9. You have every episode of “Hee Haw” on tape.

10. A full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.

You might be a Redneck if…………

1. Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.

2. You participate in the “who can spit tobacco the farthest contest”.

3. You think a ‘cursor’ is someone who swears a lot.

4. You gene pool doesn’t have a “deep end.”

5. There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

6. You celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe in it.

7. Your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center. (Clinton true-life story)

8. You’re a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.

9. You’ve ever held somebody up with a caulk gun.

10. You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.

1. You think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother’s tooth.

2. Your masseuse uses lard.

3. You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.

4. You’ve ever hit a deer with your car…deliberately.

5. You fish in your above-ground pool. . . and catch something.

6. You’ve ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister’s honor.

7. Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

8. When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.

9. You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.

10. Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.

1. The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you’ll wear to the 4-H Fair.

2. You use a 55 Chevy as a guest house.

3. You bring your dog to work with you.

4. Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.

5. You’re moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing “I Will Always Love You”.

6. You have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.

7. You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.

8. When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.

9. You consider a good tan to be the back of of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.

10. You can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

You might be a Redneck if……….

1. On stag night, you take a real deer.

2. You use your fishing license as a form of I.D.

3. Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

4. Your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.

5. Your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire…on her house

6. The tobacco chewers in your family aren’t just men.

7. Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.

8. Your biggest ambition in live is to “git that big ole coon. The one what hangs ’round over yonder, back’ah Bubba’s barn…”

9. You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.

10. You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

Download: Gettin’ the firewood off the pickup.

Ram: The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood.

Windows: What to shut when it’s below 15 below.

Enter: C’mon in.

Mouse: Whats eats the horses grain.

Log On: Makin’ the wood stove hotter.

Log Off: Don’t add no wood.

Monitor: Keepin’ an eye on the wood stove.

Floppy Disk: Whatcha git from pilin’ too much firewood.

Screen: What ‘cha need for the black fly season.

Byte: That’s what the flies do.

Micro Chip: What’s left in the bottom of the bag.

Screen: What ‘cha need for the black fly season.

Software: Them plastic eatin’ utensils.

Modem: What ‘cha did to the hay fields.

Dot Matrix: Farmer Matrix’s wife.

Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy.

Two rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment – the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!

The first day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they’re driving home they’re really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, “Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?”

The other guy says, “Wow! Then it’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more!”